Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
