just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
