I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
