I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
