Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My hand turned me down
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My ass is underappreciated
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
