Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
