is your mom at the bar?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
