Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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