I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
