Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
