If you die in college, do you die in real life?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
