I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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