Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
