sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
