My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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