and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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