Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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