I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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