Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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