Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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