party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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