Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize