i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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