I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
