You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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