Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
