I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
