...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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