Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
