His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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