It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
