I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
