Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
