he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
