i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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