Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
