he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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