That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
