onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
