in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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