A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
