You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
