You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
