I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
