he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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