Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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