I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
