I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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