We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
