Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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