I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
