Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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