nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
