If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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