I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
