i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
