dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
