I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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