I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
