he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
