I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
