So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
