not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
