when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize