I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
