John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
