I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
