I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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