I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
