I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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