hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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