if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
