Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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