Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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