I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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