You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
