HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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