I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
