i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
