I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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