Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
